People Pleasing Is A Curse

Hi, my name is Jeff, and I am a recovering people pleaser. 

I always thought that I alone was 100% responsible for everyone else’s happiness in the world. Growing up, I felt I had to win in sports, not upset anyone, follow all rules, felt responsible for everyone else's feelings, and do exactly what I was told, or I was a horrible person. There was no gray area in my mind. 

A glaring example of this was when I worked at the Olympic committee helping athletes that were struggling with eating disorders. I did not enjoy my time there because of the politics and they operated on a completely different belief system than me. This caused many fights with the coaches for how they dealt with the athletes. I felt completely powerless, depressed, and beat down. 

The worst part of it was that I continued to work there only because I wanted to be able to tell people, “hey, look at me, I’m cool, I work at the Olympic...

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How To Ditch The Head Trash

Head trash. What exactly does that mean? It's the stuff that rolls around in our heads and stops us from getting what we want. Head trash usually causes us to put self-imposed limits on who we are and what we can be. Head-trash is an irrational story that you tell yourself, like, you have to be perfect. 

I call these self-imposed limits,“Limiting Beliefs”. These beliefs are where the doubt, anxiety, and fears are all rooted. It’s ultimately what keeps you from being as successful as you want to be. 

How do you overcome limiting beliefs?

 

  1. Identify the Belief that is limiting your success. Be as specific as you can. Examples: 

Fear of failing, I have to be the best. 

Belief that you aren't enough just the way you are. 

Belief that you had to prove or show others how good you are. 

Belief that people will reject you if you fail. 

Fear of looking stupid or embarrassing yourself. 

2. Identify a possible situation where...

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Are You Your Biggest Fan?

Think about the “real” story you are currently telling yourself? 

Honestly answer the following questions in your head: 

  1. Am I capable of reaching my goals?
  2. Do I deserve to reach my goals?
  3. Do I believe 100% in my abilities to reach my goals?
  4. Do I let a fear of what others think of me keep me from taking chances?
  5. Am I working as hard as I can?
  6. Do I sabotage my success in some way?
  7. Can I set big goals and accomplish them? 

So, after asking yourself those questions, what story are you telling yourself? Is it a positive, motivating, success-driven story? Or is it a doubt-laden, “poor me” victim story? 

Fan or Critic

The number one question that I have found that has the most drastic and immediate change on people is this...Are you your biggest fan or your biggest critic? 

If you answered that you are your biggest critic, then imagine this...you have the worst, meanest coach sitting on your shoulder, screaming,...

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Champions Own Their $H!%

How do we separate the champions from the posers? How do we tell the difference between the truly mentally tough and the wannabes?

True Champions Own Their $H!%. Owning your shit means getting real with yourself and talking about the doubts, fears, anxieties, stresses, and worries that you have. Most fears aren't even based on reality. Fears tend to dissipate when we bring them into the real world by talking about them.  As our fears fade, our confidence goes up! We build our confidence by addressing your fears!  

Most people run from their fears. We have been taught to avoid feelings that make us uncomfortable. For example, if you have a fear of heights, you don't go into high places. But you also miss out on all of life's experiences that include heights, like, rollercoasters, flying, tall buildings, Bungie jumping........

So, if you are avoiding feelings like pressure, doubt, or fear because they are scary feelings, they are always going to be there until you...

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When Well-Meaning Parents Are The Problem

 

I can’t tell you how many, well-intended, loving parents that I have worked with that genuinely “only” wanted their children to be happy and successful in the sport they love. Many were surprised to learn they were putting unintended pressures on their child through comments they were making.  Many comments that are intended as support can be received by the child as pressure.   The good that the parent wanted can end up having the opposite effect and actually causing the pressure.  

 

It quite often doesn’t have anything major to do with the parent and all to do with the child.  Their inherent nature is to want to please their parents.  It is how the child responds to those types of comments that can cause the problem. Learning how to recognize pressure, where it’s coming from, and how to handle it is an important skill for our kids to learn in order to deal with future...

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