Do. Or Do Not.

Do. Or Do not. There is no Try.” ~Yoda

I have always loved this quote. And, really, how can you NOT heed the advice of a 900-year-old Jedi master muppet? Other than the fact that he's kind of cute in an odd sort of way and he is extremely powerful, this little guy laid down major knowledge on the regular. He had a way of saying things in such a way that resonated. This particular quote is one of his most popular because it's a reminder to commit yourself to something completely, win or lose.   

Try Implies Lack of Commitment 

Words matter. The dialogue we have with ourselves is very telling. The use of the word try is usually a strong indicator that the action or behavior will never happen because it is signaling half measures. There is a lack of commitment. By its very definition, it means to make an attempt or effort. Making an attempt is a much different mindset than I'm doing. When you have committed...

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How To Ditch The Head Trash

Head trash. What exactly does that mean? It's the stuff that rolls around in our heads and stops us from getting what we want. Head trash usually causes us to put self-imposed limits on who we are and what we can be. Head-trash is an irrational story that you tell yourself, like, you have to be perfect. 

I call these self-imposed limits,“Limiting Beliefs”. These beliefs are where the doubt, anxiety, and fears are all rooted. It’s ultimately what keeps you from being as successful as you want to be. 

How do you overcome limiting beliefs?

 

  1. Identify the Belief that is limiting your success. Be as specific as you can. Examples: 

Fear of failing, I have to be the best. 

Belief that you aren't enough just the way you are. 

Belief that you had to prove or show others how good you are. 

Belief that people will reject you if you fail. 

Fear of looking stupid or embarrassing yourself. 

2. Identify a possible situation where...

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Actively Listen To Gain 'Respect' Power

parent's of athletes Mar 24, 2021

As a parent, you need to have some level of power and control over your children in order to protect, teach, and guide them on their path to becoming an adult. The words "power" and "control" are usually not considered a good thing when talking about our relationships.

However, there are two different types of power.  There is power based on “fear” and there is power based on “respect”.  The type of power model you have with your children will decide how open they are going to be with you when they face challenging feelings and emotions in the future.    

 

Fear-Based Power

Power based on fear is the way most parents have been taught to raise their children.  Children in this type of relationship know that they are going to get in trouble (grounded, yelled at, preached too, hit, guilted, and/or shamed) if they do something wrong. This type of power causes them to live in fear of disappointing you, so they are...

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Shut Up And Listen!

parent's of athletes Mar 12, 2021

Parenting is a tough job. It's REALLY tough right now. The changes brought on by the pandemic are wreaking havoc on our kids. It seems to be especially hard on them because isolation is being imposed at the same time they are biologically primed to start seeking independence. It's having a devasting effect.

As their parent, you want to help. Many of you well-meaning parents may find yourselves trying to "fix" the situation by telling your kids what to think, feel or do by lecturing or telling endless stories. Or maybe you are asking them questions, but to them, it feels more like an interrogation with machine gun-type questioning. The result, in either case, is the child clams up and they clam up...tight!

One of the best ways you can support them through these and other difficult times is to have open lines of communication that will allow your child to open up to you so you can help them to talk about and deal with their feelings.

The best advice I can...

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Are You Your Biggest Fan?

Think about the “real” story you are currently telling yourself? 

Honestly answer the following questions in your head: 

  1. Am I capable of reaching my goals?
  2. Do I deserve to reach my goals?
  3. Do I believe 100% in my abilities to reach my goals?
  4. Do I let a fear of what others think of me keep me from taking chances?
  5. Am I working as hard as I can?
  6. Do I sabotage my success in some way?
  7. Can I set big goals and accomplish them? 

So, after asking yourself those questions, what story are you telling yourself? Is it a positive, motivating, success-driven story? Or is it a doubt-laden, “poor me” victim story? 

Fan or Critic

The number one question that I have found that has the most drastic and immediate change on people is this...Are you your biggest fan or your biggest critic? 

If you answered that you are your biggest critic, then imagine this...you have the worst, meanest coach sitting on your shoulder, screaming,...

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Confidence: What Is It And How Do You Get It?

Uncategorized Feb 22, 2021

Many athletes seek my help to get more confidence. I usually ask them to define what confidence means to them. They usually answer with something along the lines of a feeling or a belief in themselves.  I then usually ask them if they can change their level of confidence if they choose to? They usually respond with a resounding "no". They say they are unable to feel more confident without knowing they are better. So in other words, it's supposed to happen by wishing it or wanting it enough. Wrong!

Confidence is an action. It occurs from doing, not wishing. Confidence is not about knowing it all. It's about knowing that you can handle whatever comes your way and learn from the outcome. 

So what is confidence?

It's being your biggest fan. The story you tell yourself matters. What kind of head trash do you have going on? Are you your biggest critic? You either believe you can or you can't. Either way, you're right! Negative self-talk destroys...

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Champions Own Their $H!%

How do we separate the champions from the posers? How do we tell the difference between the truly mentally tough and the wannabes?

True Champions Own Their $H!%. Owning your shit means getting real with yourself and talking about the doubts, fears, anxieties, stresses, and worries that you have. Most fears aren't even based on reality. Fears tend to dissipate when we bring them into the real world by talking about them.  As our fears fade, our confidence goes up! We build our confidence by addressing your fears!  

Most people run from their fears. We have been taught to avoid feelings that make us uncomfortable. For example, if you have a fear of heights, you don't go into high places. But you also miss out on all of life's experiences that include heights, like, rollercoasters, flying, tall buildings, Bungie jumping........

So, if you are avoiding feelings like pressure, doubt, or fear because they are scary feelings, they are always going to be there until you...

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Champions Are Made In The Off-Season

I’m sure you have heard this before, but what does it really mean?  It means to take time off and be average, or work different with the same intensity and be great.

A Champion or Peak Performer sees the regular season as the time to perform.  The performance comes from muscle memory.  The skills have been developed and are now ready for competitive play at game time.  The Peak Performer does not have to consciously think about their game while in the middle of it.  This "muscle memory" allows them to play instinctively, freely, and without hesitation or doubt. 

So, why can’t these skills be learned during the season?  

The off-season is not the time to take time off and relax. Developing a high level of trust in your skills only comes from purposeful practice, where every activity is strategically designed to improve performance purposefully. This is done most effectively when not “distracted” by playing the game....

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When Well-Meaning Parents Are The Problem

 

I can’t tell you how many, well-intended, loving parents that I have worked with that genuinely “only” wanted their children to be happy and successful in the sport they love. Many were surprised to learn they were putting unintended pressures on their child through comments they were making.  Many comments that are intended as support can be received by the child as pressure.   The good that the parent wanted can end up having the opposite effect and actually causing the pressure.  

 

It quite often doesn’t have anything major to do with the parent and all to do with the child.  Their inherent nature is to want to please their parents.  It is how the child responds to those types of comments that can cause the problem. Learning how to recognize pressure, where it’s coming from, and how to handle it is an important skill for our kids to learn in order to deal with future...

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Oh no! My Kid Got Cut!!

Being cut from a team is one of the most difficult situations for athletes to handle. It's also one of the most difficult situations for parents to deal with because our natural instincts are to want to step in and rescue them and take away the pain that they are feeling.  Believe me, I understand!  I am a parent!    

Taking the pain away is one of the worst things that we can do as parents

Our kids are meant to learn this lesson to see how they are going to respond to challenges like this in the future.  However, your role is crucial at this point.  If you make excuses for them, or blame the coaches, or even belittle them for not being good enough, it can have a lasting effect on how they handle these types of challenges in the future.

Your role is not to try to fix it. Instead, it is to help guide them through the pain, embarrassment, doubt, and fears they have just experienced as a result of not making the team. 

So, how do...

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